It's hard to keep everything to yourself when you're trying to be okay and telling yourself that you're okay and you'll be fine but the truth is you're not and feels like giving up.

Some days are fine, but most of the days are hard. 
It was certainly hard to seem to be fine, smile as if nothing had happened, and show your bubbly/cheerful side in front of others even though deep inside was NOT. — not okay, feels heavy, deep inside your heart is crying out loudly silently, and I feel there's a piece inside of me that is missing that cannot be back. The old me isn't coming back. And yes, I am mentally unstable. Again.

Crying silently from all of the disappointments, expectations, and situations that you aren't prepared for. Why did I let myself trust again? Why did I let my heart feel this again? Why did I let myself not protect my heart? Why did I let myself feel comfortable again with someone? And why is it happening again to me? 
And so, I am here again, questioning my worth. 

All traumas are back, all in all. It feels like it was just from yesterday—a fresh one that is hard to swallow. And it was so hard to move on from the traumas you've been trying to forget, and now all of a sudden you feel that again. And suddenly, you realize that you are not completely healed by all those traumas.
And so, I am here again, questioning myself 'Do I deserve this?'

And today, I will teach my heart to accept disappointments from myself and even from people I love. I am teaching myself to be kind and keep my heart soft despite all the pain, despite the self-protective urge to harden up — one gentle heart at a time. I have to acknowledge and accept that some days are not for me. Accepting the fact that I am one of the people who are broken by life and trying to survive in this universe.

It's better to feel the hurt of honesty, at least.
TRUE PEOPLE ARE THE ONE'S WHO CAN HURT THE MOST.
Sad, but reality.


It's okay to cry and cry.